It’s the season of giving, and I thought I’d give you one of my biggest SEO secrets today.
This is something that no other SEO out there will tell you. You will only find this information on Corporate Charm. Even after I post this, I predict that very few of you are going to actually do it.
The Biggest Secret in SEO
But listen up.
The best way to get your website ranking number one on Google is not by building backlinks, optimizing your brand presence, or any of those other vicious lies that SEO companies may throw your way.
This one weird trick, though, is something us veterans usually tell the newcomers is “obsolete” or “depreciated”. It’s time to pull the wool from your eyes – we’re just saying that so you don’t elbow in on our secrets.
The true elders and wisefolk of the web know that the one, true Best Way To Rank On Google is none other than the HTML <blink> tag.
Yes, that’s right. The HTML <blink> tag. Did you just do a double-take? But it’s true.
Blinking Text = Google Indexed
It’s usually said that many small factors add up to help you rank, and that SEO is a combination of multiple things, rather than doing just one big thing. While this is usually true, it doesn’t take into account the blink tag, which is pretty much like some kind of… large dinosaur or something, compared to the puny human who represents every other SEO tactic combined.
If you wanted proof, the above image should suffice.
That parasaurolophus↝ up there is coming over to eat the head of the human. You can tell. And even though the parasaurolophus was an herbivore, you’ll be biting the heads off your competition when you start using <blink>.
Probably not literally, but who’s to say? But chewing on heads is a whole different marketing post that I won’t get into here.
But before we get to why this tag works, and an actual short interview with the creator, let’s look at the history of blink.
The History of Blink
Blink-182↝ was an influential pop-punk band formed in Poway, California, in 1992. With hit songs such as… wait, no. Sorry. I got distracted by all this dang flashing text, and thought we were talking about something else for a moment. God, this always happens.
The <blink> tag was another radical artefact of the 90s soft grunge HTML. It was first implemented in the early text-based browser Lynx, then Netscape Navigator, with critical acclaim from stay-at-home moms with their new Desktop Personal Computers.
The accolades rolled in. Who doesn’t love “Buy Now” and “Click Here” flashing eternally on a screen? Fans called it “neato” and “post-normcore”.
While an anonymous programmer coded the tag, it was actually inspired and created by one of the biggest names in the early Internet, Lou Montulli↝. I’m not messing around here – Lou↝ is responsible for a healthy portion of the net↝ we know and love. As digital marketers, we make a living off the Internet, and we owe him a serious debt of gratitude.
Lou first proposed the idea while drinking heavily after work↝. He now refers to the code as the “worst thing [he’s] ever done for the Internet”. We are forced to assume that he says this because of how totally broken it makes the SEO game, obviously, much like Oppenheimer lamented creating the atomic bomb.
This is basically the exact same thing.
Amazing Blink Trivia
- Did you know? Internet Explorer, the bane of web developers everywhere, is well known to be behind the times. But do you just how far behind it is? This web browser has literally never supported the blink tag. It’s a crime!
- Did you know? Mozilla Firefox sort of supported the blink tag, for a little while, but also included an option to disable it. However, this option was hidden deep in the code, and you could tell that the programmers didn’t really want to include it. In fact, the only reason they did was because they legally had to.
- Did you know? Wait, they legally had to? That’s right! America’s federal access board actually made laws↝ kind of against it, just because it was so painfully gnarly.
Damn illin’, son.
This Modern World (of SEO)
Nowadays, the <blink> tag isn’t supported in browsers anymore. It’s gone the way of the 5.25″ floppy disk and the parasaurolophus (both present in the late Cretaceous period).
That’s simply a tragedy. It makes me close my eyes and cry… and then open my eyes again, and then close them, very fast, repeatedly, just to reminisce.
My tip, though, is to use Flash. Because Flash is another terrible dead thing. It just fits, y’know? Making a blinking Flash element. Some things are just meant to be. Chances are, if you’re among the elite who need to call on blinking page elements, you don’t give a damn about Flash being dead anyway.
Why Does Blink Work?
It’s time for me to get to the meat of this explanation – why the blink tag is so good for SEO.
You see, search engines like Google, Bing, Baidu, Yandex, etc. all use robots known as spiders to spider the web. These spiders treat the Internet like one big, literal cobweb, with each link being a strand connecting one part to another.
Just like how cobwebs are often found in creepy locations, most of the Internet is creepy as shit.
Spiders are notoriously fickle beings. They jump and crawl remarkably fast when startled.
Here’s the secret. What gets a spider crawling and jumping the most? Why, surprising it! And what shocks a spider more than a bunch of flickering, blinking crap?
If you don’t believe me, I challenge you to try this experiment yourself. Go down and pick up a bag of spiders from your local cobbler, and separate them into two equal groups.
Place one group in a still, calm, airtight environment. You will note that the spiders move very little, and even less as time goes on.
Place the other group in the middle of a crowded dance club, with vibrations everywhere and (most importantly) lots of flashing lights. These spiders are gonna crawl like crazy!
Google employs some of the top geniuses in the world. Their algorithms get more advanced every single day – and they’re programmed to mimic real life spiders as closely as possible. That makes the <blink> tag SEO strategy not only great now, but entirely future-proof, too.
When you flash spiders, they’re gonna go crazy on your site. It’s simple science. Basic logic. A secret Google hack for ranking high that you simply cannot argue with. (Don’t.)
Creator Lou Montulli on Blink Tag SEO
I was honored to be able to chat with Mr. Montulli for a brief moment about this very subject. He’s extraordinarily busy building whatever the next Internet is, but he did have the chance to answer one question.
I asked him: “Do you have anything to say regarding the effectiveness of the blink tag and search engine optimization?”
He replied, and I quote: “Nothing but good things have happened to me since I started using the blink tag. It also helped to clear up my acne problem.”
Yes, this actually, legitimately happened. It was truly an honor, Mr. Montulli. And there you have it, folks – nothing but good things. There is no higher authority on this tag than the man himself.
It’s my sincere belief that this on-standard piece of HTML will experience a huge comeback in the next twenty years, but not within the next five. Many will hate it. All will be baffled by it. All but me, and now you. Because now you understand that when it comes to search engines, nothing gets spiders crawling like blinking crap.
So if blinking is so great, how come I’m not using it, huh?
Well it turns out, I am. I have been this whole time. I’m using a far more advanced form, that blinks at intervals meant to model the exact natural pattern of human eyelid blinks. This text has been blinking all along… and so have you.
Now, I usually don’t sell my services here at Corporate Charm, but I will make an exception this one time. If you have any business needs, talk to me, a certified blink HTML tag SEO specialist. I’ll make sure your revenue grows in big, jittery bounds. But contact me fast, because this offer won’t last forever.
In fact, it’ll be gone so soon, you just may <blink> and miss it!
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